Introduction
Family is an important topic. When you get to my stage of life, you realize how important family structure, unity, and openness are.
You also see the mistakes you made by not investing in the development of the family. Being absent when you should have been present. Prioritizing other things over family.
Of course, you can rationalize everything. You can rationalize how important your career is and how important it is to provide for the family.
When you are driven and constantly listening to other entrepreneurs' advice, you can fall into that mentality of 10- to 12-hour days, six or seven days a week. The typical "burning the candle at both ends."
I'm guilty.
My own example
I chose a career in emergency medicine. My family thought I was never home, but I typically worked fifteen 12-hour shifts a month. I took my share of nights, weekends, and holidays.
So my work days were random throughout the month. If I came off working three or four nights in a row, my day and night rhythm shifted. I could not immediately swap back to a normal solar day alignment.
So I had very dysfunctional sleep habits. I was sleeping during the day as I tried to switch my clock.
Why family is under "spiritual"
So why is this topic of family included under our spiritual category?
I believe God created family as a foundational element. The Bible has many references to family, the order of the family, and the training of children. There is a principle of children submitting and obeying the parents.
I could even get into how demonic forces undermine the critical structure of family in their attempts to gain control of the world. But I digress.
God is the creator. He obviously desires relationship.
Even though we refer to it as the Trinity, all three are God. We do not have a great understanding of the relationship, but there is obviously relationship and division of duties. There is a communication pattern.
We know that Jesus would go alone to spend time and communicate with His Father.
We also know we have been instructed about our eternal relationship with God. There is a pathway laid out for us to be recognized as sons of the Father.
Jesus emphasizes that relationship is everything. We are warned that even if we healed the sick and performed miracles, it was in vain if we did not know Him.
The relationship is the only thing that matters.
We have to hear His voice. To be more precise, it is three distinct voices, each with its own character. The Father has a voice. The Son has a voice. The Holy Spirit has a voice.
I have not arrived yet. I am pursuing a relationship with all three, and hearing and distinguishing the voices of all three.
Back to our families
Back to our families. How do we go about repairing the wounds? How do we establish good, honest conversations?
I believe it begins with spending time together.
Most of you know the size of my family. My wife and I have four children. They are all married. We are now up to 17 grandchildren.
The oldest grandchildren are close to getting married and starting their own families. I want to be around to see the exponential growth phase of our family.
How we build time together
For years we have tried to schedule times when we can gather together.
With the exception of one of the five families, whose main residence is 2 miles away, the other four have homes on adjoining properties. So we see each other on a daily basis.
The grandchildren have grown up playing with their cousins.
Most years we take a family trip. Those trips become lasting memories that are talked about for years.
Last year we did a home exchange for a large hacienda in central Mexico. It was a grand experience. We spent all day, every day, playing, eating, swimming in the pool, and taking excursions together.
Here is a photo of us in the courtyard of that hacienda.
We are committed to doing the work
Our family is far from perfect. We are human. We have held offenses against each other. We have work to do.
We are committed to doing that work.
Under this topic I will write about some of that work as we do it.
A simple way to picture family structure
I look at family as a tree, similar to an organizational chart.
Even though my wife and I are at the top of our organizational chart, we want to be mentors and guides for those that follow us. We want to prepare our family to be mentors and guides as well.
Each family will be at the top of their own organizational chart. We will have done a good job if that pattern continues.
The goal is staying together and "staying in the room" together.
The idea of a "family business"
We discuss having a "family business." That allows for a structure and method for communication, relationship, reliance, and dependence on each other.
It also allows discussion and planning for topics you hope you never encounter.
How does the structure function if Grandpa becomes invalid and cannot perform his function?
How do you handle a dependent that goes off the rails and abuses drugs?
How do you deal with a family member that adopts ideals that are contrary to your beliefs?
Life is full of difficult questions. Nevertheless, you have to entertain those questions to have a healthy discussion.
At 75 years of age, the importance of these questions can slap you in the face. You wish you had begun the journey decades earlier.
But begin the journey we must.
Culture, vacuums, and what people are seeking
Culture is a very powerful force in the world. It has been the container. It holds our beliefs, our systems, and our behaviors.
Families have a culture. Societies have cultures. We are affected by both cultures.
Societal culture is going through a radical transformation. People are seeking a deeper and more meaningful experience of life.
We believe we have answers for what people are seeking. That is why Sage Matters exists. We want to help people find their way. We are fellow travellers on that pathway.
Sometimes it feels like reality is changing from one moment to the next. Things feel chaotic, and there are good reasons why.
One of the biggest reasons is that we are living with very big societal cultural vacuums. Cultural vacuums happen when sources of meaning collapse. They can happen suddenly. They are dramatic. They are destructive.
People seem a little lost right now. They look numb. That zombie look from the movies is becoming common. They have no meaning in their lives.
Funny thing about vacuums is they want something new to fill them. You can see it out there. People are looking for meaning "in all the wrong places."
We would identify the top three areas of the vacuum as work, trust, and time.
Work and meaning
People are not finding meaning in their work.
Crypto created stories of meteoric changes in wealth with a single gamble. I am an old timer, and I came up with the premise and belief that hard work was rewarded. Just start and do not stop.
This new culture abandons that precept.
It is an idea that work does not equal reward. I am not saying you have to like this, or agree with it, or that it is good or not. I am saying that people are starting to feel this.
There is a sense that our economy is changing in ways that reward the crazy and punish the cautious.
How are we seeing this disconnect from work play out?
We see an emphasis on play time. We see people getting their meaning in life from their play activities.
Sometimes finding meaning outside of work looks like community. Sometimes finding meaning outside of work looks like leaving the community.
Many are looking for their exit strategy.
Community and retreat vision
We believe community is important, and people want to belong to a community.
For us, that community needs to be built on trust and shared values. There is an element of being vulnerable to earn trust.
We want to earn trust. We want to be vulnerable. We want to welcome others who share our values.
In the future, we want to create a community, both online and physical, where people come together to share and contribute. It has to be mutually beneficial.
As we expect to become a collection of far-flung people, we want to create times to gather in places around the world.
I currently have two sons and their families living in Europe. They want to establish our European retreat and community.
Sherie and I travel to Argentina in the middle of February. We have a rustic farm and vineyard there. It is beautiful, and it will be a great gathering place.
There are so many beautiful places we can visit and gather.
What would a gathering look like? Currently, my vision would be a retreat.
There would be great food in a scenic place. Peaceful. I see lots of time together. I see us walking and exercising together. Deep dives into the topics of health. Praying and worshipping together.
I am ready to get that going when we have the demand.